The Wombly Centre

Come sit down beside me
I said to myself
And although it doesn't make sense
I took my own hand as a small sign of trust
and together I sat on the fence


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JOHN KEY STEPS UP TO PLATE. PLATE IN INTENSIVE CARE

05/05/2013 14:08

Prime minister Key announced to day that his errant MP, Aaron Gilmore was deserving of the benefit of the doubt for trying to get him to sack a waiter at the Heritage Hanmer Springs hotel who has served him less than his full entitlement to alcohol.

“Key took Gilmore at his word, but yesterday said things would get "problematic" for him if he was found to have lied”. 

Staff of the Office of Prime Minster and Cabinet are reported to have been working feverishly to ensure no-one finds out whether or not Gilmore lied.

Least of all the prime minister.

“This is an operational matter” said Key.  “If anyone on my staff finds that my name was taken in vain, they are under strict instructions not to tell me.”

“If I need to know, I will ask”, he purred reassuringly.

MP ACKNOWLEDGES HIS PARTY MANNERS “FELL SHORT”. WINE WAITER MAKES MATTERS WORSE BY CATCHING HIM BEFORE HE HIT THE GROUND.

In an heroic attempt to distribute guilt collectively amongst his National Partying co-revelers, MP Aaron Gilmore pointed a wobbly finger at the company he keeps for his inept effort to discipline the “dickhead” who failed to fuel his alcoholic celebration of no-one knows what.  No-one was...