In an heroic attempt to distribute guilt collectively amongst his National Partying co-revelers, MP Aaron Gilmore pointed a wobbly finger at the company he keeps for his inept effort to discipline the “dickhead” who failed to fuel his alcoholic celebration of no-one knows what. No-one was spared. “I’ll tell John Key on you”, he is reported to have exclaimed to the bearer of too few bottles.
John Key was “a bit disappointed”.
''This is too unimportant for the prime minister to bother with, and disciplinary action is hardly a good use of my time,'' he winced. “Maybe Ian Fletcher knows something.”
Without specifying what “mark” he was talking about, the errant MP issued this apology on behalf of the group he was with.
“On this occasion I believe as a group, our behaviour fell short of this mark, and I should have recognised this at the time. I also plan to pass my apologies on to the Prime Minister for failing to meet the standards I believe National MPs should uphold.”
In retaliation, a miffed National Party lawyer slipped a note under the kitchen door apologizing for being party to the group in question.
List MP Chris Auchinvole, of the West Coast, said the National Party was ''particularly careful'' in its selection of candidates. “List MPs are not expected to list or yaw in public”, he explained. “We will be reviewing our selection policies in the same way as we are reviewing the Pike mine collapse”.
The Crusaders rugby franchise announced it is considering whether it should invite Gilmore to join its ranks. “He seems to have many of the qualities we expect in our players”, vouched Todd Blackadder.
By way of somewhat baffling further explanation, the prime minister announced: “It is not in the nature of my government to use kitchen help to cover up for its inadequacies. We have Stephen Joyce for that”.
A point he emphasised by firing Aaron Gilmore.